Realizations in Color

The beauty of revisiting the questions we think we already know

This past Monday, my husband and I had the freedom to step away. We were lucky to have help with our daughter, knowing she was enjoying homemade soup paired with a few glasses of laughter.

We went up to the roof. It was a beautiful evening, warmed by the sun’s golden spring hues. We brought a few drinks, some entertainment, and a portable speaker for music. After setting up our space- colored pencils sharpened and ready- a conversation sparked from the question:

“What do you think makes a healthy relationship?”

It’s interesting to ask, or revisit, these types of questions after more than 10 years together. It felt like one of those “getting to know you” questions, nervously shared after a few dates by someone hoping it would all continue- hoping for shared views and values.

My husband answered first. The pencil touched the pages of the adult coloring book we often enjoy together, and as the colors began to fill the page, he began to share.

He is not a man of few words- extremely detail oriented in all things in life. He shared what he finds healthy in relationships in general, and bonus points in our relationship specifically. He also shared more painful notes- moments where it felt like the health was dwindling, frayed edges in worn fabric. Not from loved use, but from picking, scratching, and negative wear to the material.

It was interesting to simply listen.

The colors continued to meet the paper, and the words continued to spill.

From his sharing, I had a realization. A reaction I sometimes have in anger- a reaction I knew upset him based on his response each time- actually upset him for a completely different reason than I had thought all these years. A reason I would never want him to feel. A reason that directly countered one of the fundamental beliefs on my own list of what creates a healthy relationship.

It was fascinating to see and understand this through his honest perspective.